Self Esteem is Formed in Childhood




Having a healthy self esteem doesn’t mean having to work hard to improve your image or building up your confidence factor to amazing heights to wow other people. It starts from within yourself and can be achieved by anyone willing to do a little letting go.

Many people try really hard to be positive about themselves thinking they are building self esteem. But ‘trying really hard’ defeats the purpose and actually makes it hard.

When I was about ten years old my parents had a friend who used to visit occasionally for Sunday lunch. I still recall today how I used to look forward to her visits because she was one of those rare people who made you feel good just to be around them. She wasn’t drop dead beautiful, she didn’t play games with me or give me money or anything like that. And it would be impossible to pick out one single attribute she had that made me feel that way.

In later years as an adult I understood what it was she had that made me so enjoy her presence. To say that she was totally at ease with herself wouldn’t do it justice. She exuded a kind of aura that said ‘You’re ok, I’m ok and everythings ok, just as it is’. The best way I can describe it is a kind of love energy or unqualified acceptance, unspoken but felt. She had wonderful self-esteem.

We tend to believe that to change our lives we have to move physical stuff around and if you’ve ever de cluttered your house you’ll know how good it feels to give all that stuff away, pass it on or simply throw it away.

The mind is just the same but by starting at base, at the energy level, the effects are so much more powerful and far reaching than clearing out some old books and furniture.

Start by forgiving everyone you feel has ever wronged you. Let go of all lingering resentments and grudges you may feel towards your boss, inlaws, neighbours and anyone else who ever crossed your path. One family recently in the news, lost their $600,000 home to pay for a failed lawsuit they had taken out against a neighbour over a tiny strip of land one metre wide. That was some result and cannot have added to their self esteem.

Others live in a state of constant hostility with someone next door who has parked in their space. How great is your day going to be if you start it by scowling at your neighbour every morning? There are even people who refuse to speak to or acknowledge another family member because of some long forgotten perceived grievance.

Even if you’ve been physically harmed let it go if you can. Holding on to resentment and anger will only have the effect of bringing more of it into your life. What we hold inside of us, in our deepest beliefs and convictions is what we project ‘out there’ into the energy of the universe, and the universe has this funny habit of sending more of it back to us.

When you’re done forgiving everyone else don’t forget to forgive yourself. Why put yourself through years of mental anguish for something that’s done and gone? Just like blaming others is a way of avoiding responsibility, so a feeling of guilt is our way of punishing ourselves by giving ourselves low self esteem. Don’t’ be so harsh on yourself.

It can be an incredibly cathartic and life changing experience just to let go of everything stored for years in your energy field. You wouldn’t dream of carrying a heavy suitcase around all day for no reason would you? Well just like dumping that heavy suitcase, you will be surprised by the relief you feel when you finally really let go. A major shift in consciousness often takes place and only then do you realise how much mental baggage you’ve been carrying around.

Low self esteem is not something that’s confined to poor down trodden people. It pops up in every walk of life, even in those who come from a very privileged background.

Which of us has not encountered a highly paid company manager who holds his position in a big corporate structure only by virtue of an expensive education and devotes his energies to sucking up to his superiors? He is merely displaying low self esteem. In sharp contrast we also know of youngsters who left school at fourteen but went on to become the founders of well known and famous multinationals.

Lord Jeffrey Archer was sent to prison in 2001 for perverting the course of justice. Facing such shame and embarrassment most would wish for a hole in the ground to fall into but Jeffrey Archer turned the situation around and spent his four years inside writing a diary about prison life which proved to be a best seller, much to the annoyance and chagrin of those who had cheered when he was convicted.

“Give me the boy for seven years and I will give you the man” A quote often attributed to Sir Francis Xavier.

It is a fact that most of our behaviour patterns and our feelings of self-worth or self-love are formed in the first few years of life staying with us into adulthood. Where we are today is the result of what we have allowed and limited ourselves to expect in accordance with those early beliefs.

Although these early patterns are hard to change by sheer will power, they are not set in stone. Eldon Taylor’s pioneering research into how the mind works back in 1985 discovered a way of bypassing the subconscious part of the brain, the left hemisphere which sabotages your attempts at change by reasoning ‘what makes you think you can do that?’ or ‘you’ve never done that before – you won’t succeed’ etc.

The validity of the technology used in InnerTalk has been tested in universities, schools and even prisons and found to be very effective in changing behavioural habits and the deeply lodged limiting low esteem that so often prevent us from exploring outside of the box and making the most of our lives.


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